Those that grew up having to take care of themselves, are usually very efficient people. Growing up, they learned independence which prepares them for leadership. If they aren’t depending on anyone to tell them what to do, they learn to take charge of the situation and solve the problem quickly. They are usually very calculated, which helps them become savvy in business transactions. They can have very successful careers ranging from politics to the pulpit. Their leadership and wide range of vocabulary enhances their ability to get their points across. Their words are targeted and directed at accomplishing their task.

When it comes to one on one communication, though, their delivery is not as effective. One on one communication requires an emotional connection. That means there needs to be time invested. An emotional connection is the key factor that must be present to have two-way communication. One thing a communicator must keep in mind is that when they are speaking to an audience, they are the only one talking, but with a relationship, the other person must be able to talk. A strong leader and a quick thinker, often times doesn’t feel a need to listen. Therefore, they haven’t acquired good listening skills. To have meaningful relationships, though, they must learn the skill of being attentive and listening.

Two-way communication is a skill that many leaders do not have, but must cultivate for the sake of their family. For meaningful, two-way communication to take place the “talker” must stop talking and learn how to listen. The “talker” must learn to listen with the intention of feeling the meaning behind the other person’s words. Yes, feel the meaning behind the other person’s words. If the “talker” is calculating what they are going to say in response, they have not connected on an emotional level.

If you are a natural born leader, you will need to be intentional about listening and not jumping in and taking the conversation in the direction you want it to go. If your desire is to sincerely respond to family and friends, there must be an emotional connection. This means you are more interested in what the other person is saying than your response. Friends and family will not feel comfortable sharing until they know you care enough to listen to them. You must learn to listen with the intent to understand their heart and feel the meaning of their words. It will require a deliberate action of laying down your self and putting the other person first. Jesus said that this is how friends and family know you love them.

“Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” (John 15:13)

Denise Boggs

Co-founder of Living Waters Ministry, Denise Boggs is passionate about healing and has a deep hunger for the Word of God. She is the author of over 20 workbooks and multiple small group curriculum. Denise has also written the full-length books, “Healing and Restoring the Heart”, “Restoring the Family”, and her newest released: “Breaking Free from Sickness and Disease”.

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